Rainy day today…Gloomy…Miserable…Cold…Uninviting…

I light a remembrance candle and get my cognac out of the bar…No toasts, no smiles, no cheers…Just simple quiet moments to remember everyone who vanished in the nightmare of the Holocaust…Men, women, children, all those innocent people who’s only fault was to be born Jewish. And simply for that they paid with the most amazing gift of all – their life.

Remember – so it will never happen again, taught to me by my parents since I was a little child…Remember, so you prevent this from ever happening again…Remember – so you can educate your children, and children of your children…All the teachings – and you can be absolutely sure - I do remember…Today is a Holocaust Remembrance day…Heartbreaking and dark day, so even Nature cries all day long…

Years have passed…Generations been born…Seasons have changed, warm summer rains turned into nippy snow storms, green grass covering Earth in endless carpet changed by rainbow of Autumn leaves. But millions of innocent souls that disappeared in Auschwitz-Birkenau, Treblinka, and Belzec will never enjoy any of it…they vanished…turned into snowfalls of ash…And nothing grew for years at the horrible sites of concentration camps. But life always comes back, life always prevents, and all of the camps today covered in emerald beauty of grass reminding us the most important lesson of all– hatred can not peter out life. So – as sad as this day is – I drink my last toast to life – “LeHaim” – I say with a smile on my face. I did not forget, I will always remember and I do all I can to make sure that this will never happen again!

Sometimes I am feeling so alone in this World…At least one on one with my issues and health problems…I feel like with all of my physicians, all of my friends, and everyone who suppose to understand – support groups, internet blog pages, etc., I still feel like I am painting on the wall with water…I am painting and painting, trying to tell my story, trying to pour my heart out, but no one can see…And how can they? After all, I am painting with water…So, is it because I am not really ready to share; or is it because I think no one will understand? Whatever it is, I wish someone would understand…Or, maybe I just wish that I would believe that someone can understand…

Spring is here…I can smell it in the air, I can see it everywhere I go, I can hear it in the morning songs of birds…The Earth is covered with splashes of color – pink here and there; white petals dancing in the wind; yellow greeting you readily every time you pass by. It is amazing time of the year, when you can not possibly stay troubled or sad – the entire planet smiles at you with it big and comforting smile – here is another spring season, another year ahead, and fresh chapter in this long long book called life. And somehow, early morning sun together with harmonious song of the birds, and rainbow of color, reassures you that everything will be just fine and life is worth living – just take a look around with an open heart. Life is precious and Spring is here!

I haven’t been writing for a very long time…If I was a writer in 18th century I would have to discard my inkwell and spend some money on a new one…But here I am once again…
I am on an airplane going to St. John. I have my expectations set very high, which is not necessarily a good thing… Last time I felt like this was a trip to Paris – waiting for something almost magical and nothing could satisfy me as a result. So, I am trying not to do that this time around…

I imagine a picture perfect island… A place where you can find peace not only for your body, but much more importantly for your soul… One of those places that you feel at home… A feeling that I cherish every time I am thinking of the endless deserts and gigantic mountains of Arizona.
St. John…I should probably start with a clean page: no expectations, just an open heart ready to soak up every bit of the ocean water, every touch of the cool breeze and every particle of the infinite dunes…I imagine stepping on the beach and sinking into the pleasant warmth of the sand…Trying to escape from this world of loud cars, busy streets, and constant state of perpetual motion: always forward, never getting anywhere; feeling like a little gerbil on the hamster wheel. I am escaping! To the picture perfect island of Saint John…

So, we left civilization behind…After two short plane rides and a little windy ferry trip – we arrived at St. John, and the beautiful site of boats rocking under the breeze and steep hillsides under the blue sky. Welcome – singing humming birds, welcome – echoing old mountains. I took my first breath of Island air and relaxed – my body, my mind, my soul…

We went to the Frank’s Bay and I realized – I am in heaven, nothing short of a miracle. I got my feet wet in the ocean water, looking at the stones, pieces of coral and little hermit crabs… Serenity…Harmony…. Nature never ceases to amaze me…I am walking on the beach, breathing in all the beauty of this almost untouched land, trying to memorize this moment just as it is – absolutely precious. I pick up some of the “used to be” pieces of coral and try to take a peek into each petite hole – Nature is nothing short of a miracle. I keep pinching myself – Am I dreaming? Can this Paradise Island be in the middle of all the civilization? Can we be so lucky and have these minute islands of peace – all to ourselves? Yes, we can. And I am enjoying one of them right now, memorizing with my skin every breeze, every splash of water, every scent and every touch of the sand under my feet. I am in heaven. Simply in heaven.

Trunk Bay…Turquoise water, bleached and soft as a cotton sand, boulders that provide you with a rare chance for privacy in a secluded corner of the bay… Occasional sail boats passing by completing the picture perfect view…You can enjoy sun bathing; snorkeling or just relaxing…The reef completely takes you over, hypnotizing you into its unique world. Magnificent, delicate corals that look like Chinese fans. Fish of every possible color and shape. You swim into the school of fish and feel like you are in the heart of a rainbow, you are just floating in the middle of the explosion of color. Parrot fish biting at the coral; others hiding behind the stone trying to get something to eat; some – just swimming by and make you feel like they are posing: here, look at me, I am the prettiest of all. So, a relaxing and magical day at Trunk Bay…Driving up and down the steep hillsides on roads that are so narrow, that sometimes you feel that they are too small even for one car. Beautiful recap of the Bay on the drive back, and of course all the sailing boats waiting patiently for their next adventure. Another perfect day….